Justin Bell, 42 of Dos Palos California has issues with constipation. He is like many other Americans, he gets up and goes to work, pays his bills and is a great husband and father.

He also suffers from bad constipation. He loves his dairy, bread and occasional red meat but a little too much and he is sealed up tighter than a constipated accountant. He couldn’t budget.

Most American’s know that an easy way to cure the pasty shits is to go and eat at Taco Bell. Insert some tacos and burritos into your mouth hole and 5 to 10 minutes later you’ll be free of constipation out your bottom hole. 

One interesting attribute that Justin has is something like no other. He doesn’t need to eat Taco Bell.

He has never consumed any “food” from there. Justin just walks in and within 5 minutes he needs to run to the bathroom. Just being in the presence of Taco Bell gives him the shits.

I met Justin in Los Banos to test his unusual talent. I also brought a long a few colleagues to occupy the available bathrooms. He mentioned he ate more cheese than normal and was feeling it today. We sat down to taco bout his current lifestyle situation, work and kids.

“It’s time. I need to go…”

Justin stood up and eagerly moved toward the restroom. There was now a line of a few people and I could see the panic on his face.

He ran out the door and toward the Rail Trail where he encountered some tweakers. He changed paths and went to his car and drove off. I left several messages but have not heard from Justin since.

I did see his car for sale on Craigslist with some minor skid mark damage. 

Platty's Editor Note: That's an explosive article!