Burton Franks is not like my dead husband.

My dead husband was a respectful man.

Burton has failed as a person.

His wife left him, and his kids no longer call him dad. They call him Burt.

He just got laid off from his job at Burger King.

He would not endorse the new BK Turkey Fries.

He wasn’t a team player.

He was always his best when shot gunning a beer.

People found him very abrasive except when the shot gunning began.

He was the life of the party, he would attract all kinds of people until the gunning was over.

He recently began a new career booking shot gun beer events at birthday parties, bar mitzvah’s, weddings and divorce parties.

He has finally found a way to be himself and make a living. His kids still call him Burt.

Platty's Editor Note: You know what's fun about being sober? Nothing!